Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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