he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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