Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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