My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
