I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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