My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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