I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My breasts were aching with rage.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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