once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
In other news, I just burned my penis
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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