Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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