the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
