I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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