i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
my liver is dry heaving
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
