Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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