what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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