I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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