I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
