I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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