is your mom at the bar?
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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