i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize