; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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