Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
