Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
