There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
