From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
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I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
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I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
this hospital has no fireball
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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