mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
