She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
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