New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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