I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
