is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
