All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
