Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
