Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
