She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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