i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
