I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Will exercising make me less horny?
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