yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
