It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i may or may not be watching the land before time
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
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come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
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Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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