Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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