Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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