My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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