Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize