Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
