Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
someone owes me an orgasm
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
