I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
