porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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