brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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