WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
