I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
