If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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