oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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