Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
everyone is single if you try hard enough
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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