Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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