We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
