She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
