Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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