so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
nutella sex= disaster
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
