I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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