Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
