I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
