Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
