What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
