It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
